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| Denial |
de·ni·al
1. failure to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defense mechanism.
Denial is from the Stroke of Emotions Series I created in 2017.
In this image I am hiding my eyes to avoid the devastation around me.
My surroundings are in total disarray, and broken flower petals covering the floor symbolize that everything in my life is in pieces.
A State of Denial
Sometimes it's hard to come to grips with the fact that a crisis will change your life.
Forever.
But, as a good friend told us...your life will get back to normal. It will just be a new normal.
For a long time, I thought that I didn't go through the denial stage. Facing the fact that my life had changed forever stared me straight in the face. We all have things we dream about, hopes about what may happen "someday". Never mind that they are, in fact, dreams and not very close to reality.
Saying good-bye to those dreams was very hard for me. I felt totally selfish grieving over those lost dreams, but I did grieve big time.
No more thoughts about traveling out of the country, or perhaps even across Canada. And my biggest dream... my getaway place by the ocean...that was a no go for sure. Those things likely wouldn't have happened anyway, but it was nice to hold on to those dreams.
My new reality didn't stop me from spending hours and hours looking online for a perfect getaway spot overlooking the ocean. Night after night, alone with my pets, I would spend hours on my computer looking at real estate.
And that's when I realized that I was, in fact, in denial after all.
In an effort to deal with my worry and feelings of helplessness after my husband had a major stroke in 2017, I turned to my hobby of photography. I took self portraits and created composited images using my photographic library to help define and illustrate my feelings. From devastation through rejuvenation, it is a story of a healing journey that I hope will help others going through a difficult time.
The complete story of Stroke of Emotions is available in book format. To view and/or purchase online click on this link.
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