|A photograph taken on an outing to Miner’s Marsh in Kentville shows how one minute you’re swimming along enjoying life, and in a split second catastrophe can strike.|
I was photographing some birds at the Miner's Marsh in Kentville a while back, and had my camera trained on a black bird walking along the water's edge. In a flash that must have been just a split second, the bird reached into the water and grabbed a small fish. It happened so quickly that I missed the action while looking through my camera lens, and only captured the result - the bird with the fish in it's beak. One minute you're swimming along enjoying life, and in a split second catastrophe can strike.
Maybe it's a cancer diagnosis, or a car accident, or a death in the family. There are endless situations that can pack a wallop that drops us to our knees when we least expect it.
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting on the swing of our backyard deck and thinking about how lucky I was. I often think about how lucky I am, so that's no big surprise. However, that particular week was not one of my best. I was alone on the swing with only my dogs for company while my husband was in the hospital after surviving a major stroke. At that particular moment, I was feeling lucky and blessed because just a few days before he was completely paralyzed on the left side of his body. But a couple of days can make a huge difference, and after his brain recovered from the shock he became more and more mobile.
While I was sitting on that swing and trying to process all the changes, I was contemplating life with some new challenges instead of facing a future with a completely dependent person. And that's why I felt fortunate instead of filled with despair.
I am no stranger to strokes and the devastation they can cause. My father had a severe stroke when I was just 21. He was told he would never walk again, but he worked hard and was released from the hospital after one year. He lived a fulfilled life for another 16 years and accomplished many wonderful things.
In a very broad generalization that I am prone to concluding now and then, I have noticed that there tends to be two types of people. We've all heard of the "glass half full" versus "glass half empty" example of how different people can be presented with the same situation and come away with totally a different perception of things. I truly believe that attitude can make a huge difference.
Don't get me wrong. Since that awful day in late June, I have had times of terrible grief and feelings of complete helplessness. There have been moments when my sadness has been so great that it was a physical thing, squeezing my heart and stealing my breath. I have had periods of self doubt so overwhelming that I didn't think I could cope with the future ahead. I didn't think I would have the patience or ability to do what I needed to do, or be who I needed to be.
But I continue to give thanks for the blessings in my life. I am thankful that we were in the emergency department when the stroke occurred, and my husband received the absolute best and quickest care possible. I am thankful for the doctors and nursing staff, the therapists and team of people working hard every day to ensure whatever possible progress is made. I am thankful for our family and friends who have made my time at home alone more possible to bear. I am thankful for the strength of my husband, who has been determined to prove he can do whatever he is told is not possible.
So in these post-stroke weeks, I have given a lot of thought to the priorities in my life. Some of the dreams that seemed important to me before, now become a lot less significant. Some of my "to do's" have dropped by the wayside. Now, some of the "major accomplishments" I wanted to achieve don't seem to matter anymore. At this moment, somehow it seems more important to be kind, to be generous, and to enjoy friends and family, rather than achieving goals that really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I am thankful for this chance to continue to share my life with the most important person in my world. It will be a different life than we had planned, but I have a partner to travel that path with me, and things might have been very, very different.
During our weeks at the hospital, a nurse asked my husband "Is this your wife?", he replied "She's not just my wife. She's my everything." And that is truly something wonderful to focus on during our challenges ahead.
published in the South Shore Breaker - July 19, 2017
Thank you for sharing this... such a poignant reminder of the value of gratitude on many levels. I always reading your posts, but this one especially comes straight from your heart.ReplyDelete
I wish the very best for you both as he recovers and you both adjust.
And, I have to say... that photo of the bird with the little fish in its mouth... wow...
I was feeling a bit " down in the dumps " before I read your column this week.ReplyDelete
I look forward to it every time it's in there....I was so saddened to hear of you husbands health issues....and your words really were an inspiration to me...to live each day as though it is my last....and be thankful for what I have..... You sound like a very sensible person....and I almost feel that I know you ! I was your moms room-mate over in Lunenburg when she was there following her knee surgery....she often spoke with you on the phone and would tell me what a great daughter you are and how very proud she is of you... (she was a great " roomie "and I feel sure she will be there for you through this unknown journey ahead...Praying that your husband is on his way to recovery..
Joan L Oickle
I'm so sorry to read this. Your post is an excellent reminder to focus on the important things, because you just never know whats coming. Sending positive energy to you both, and hopes that hubby is recovering quickly. (And the bird vs fish photo is amazing!)ReplyDelete